A Baker’s Dozen of Lukashenka Jokes

Paul Goble

            Staunton, August 17 – Some say dictators can deal with anything from their subjects except being laughed at, and others insist every anecdote about him is in fact a small revolution. However that might be, below are 13 jokes about Alyakandr Lukashenka, Belarus’ embattled president (maximonline.ru/humor/_article/luchshie-anekdoty-pro-aleksandra-lukashenko/).

1.      A Belarusian is quietly walking down the street when suddenly a car stops and OMON officers try to hustle him into it. The man says “Let me go. I voted for Lukashenka!”  The officers reply “No one voted for Lukashenka!”

2.      Lukashenka announces that he is tired of being president. Consequently, his coronation as king will take place on Thursday.

3.      The head of the Belarusian election commission tells Lukashenka that she has good news and bad news for him. The good news is that he has been re-elected president of the country. The bad news is that once again, no one voted for him.

4.      Before the election, Lukashenka promised to do away with censorship in the media. He kept his promise: the first day after election, he did away with censorship; the second, he did away with the media.

5.      Elections in Belarus are like the Rocky films: with each new one, the main hero gets a little older but he still defeats everyone.

6.      A new virus has appeared on the Internet, the Lukashenka. It doesn’t influence anything but it is practically impossible to outlive.

7.      Lukashenka is the grandfather of Belarusians, but as is well known, one doesn’t get to choose one’s parents.

8.      Lukashenka is discovered by his prime minister dressing up like Osama bin Laden. He explains that Europe and America won’t take him in when he flees but perhaps the Arabs will.

9.      Belarus has introduced a new system of Internet voting: Those who are voting for Lukashenka, go to the site of the president. Those who are voting against him, go to the site of the KGB where they are told how to go to the site of the president.

10.  Lukashenka issues a decree according to which no one can run for president of Belarus unless he has been president no less than five years.

11.  After they die, bad Belarusians are sent back to live in Belarus under Lukashenka.

12.  Minsk news reports that the president’s plane has crashed but there is still no confirmation that Lukashenka was aboard. Nonetheless, the news anchor says, “let us hope for the best.”

13.   They say Lukashenka is permitting Belarusians to drink 50 grams of vodka before they go to sleep. In response, many Belarusians are trying to go to sleep multiple times each night he is still in office