Kremlin Says that By Choosing a President, Russians are Choosing Their Future; but Russians Respond that If There is No Choice, There is No Future

Paul Goble

            Staunton, Mar. 11 – Throughout Putin’s presidential campaign, the Kremlin has asserted that in choosing a president, the Russian people are choosing their future. But ever more Russians are responding by pointing out that if there is no choice – and in this “election,” there isn’t – then there is no future either.

            That is just one of the anecdotes Russians are telling each other that have been assembled by Moscow journalist Tatyana Pusharyova (publizist.ru/blogs/107374/48006/-). Among the best of the rest are the following:

·       Given Putin’s rising approval ratings, he will  have to get more than 100 percent in the elections if they are to be considered a success.

·       Russian history textbooks now carry a warning notice: “Any coincidence with real historical facts is purely coincidental.”

·       Lenin called on everyone to come to the Winter Palace on November 7 at noon. The people asked whether that meant they were to make a revolution. But Lenin said: “No. Let’s just come, stand there and ten go our separate ways. We need to see just how many of us there are.”

·       By order of the Kremlin, Russian porn films will now end with the birth of new patriots for the homeland nine months after the explicit scenes.

·       Asked when the craziness in Russia will end, a political scientist responds that he has no idea as he isn’t a psychiatrist.

·       Putin says God directly controls Russia. So why do we need the Kremlin intermediary?

·       Putin shouldn’t have fired the commander of the navy after 30 percent of his Black Sea Fleet sank. He should have put him in charge of Russia’s submarines.

·       Russians are upset by reports that Putin will boost taxes after the election but they should see as good news that neither corvee nor quitrent will be introduced then but only later.

·       The Duma wants to pass a law invalidating the transfer of Crimea from the RSFSR to the Ukrainian SSR. Why waste time on such trivialities? The Duma should just vote to cancel the collapse of the USSR.

·       Ukrainian forces invading Russian territory is all part of Putin’s plan: it shortens Russian supply lines by reducing the distance from Moscow to the front.

·       The Russian constitution give Russians the right to remain in permanent despair.