What Putin Would Say if He Decides to Restore Serfdom

Paul Goble

            Staunton, Nov. 14 – Just how outrageous Vladimir Putin has become sometimes can only be fully captured by satire. Moscow journalist Maryan Belenky offers an example: she provides the text of what the Kremlin leader would undoubtedly use if he decided to restore serfdom in the Russian Federation (kasparov.ru/material.php?id=618FA17EB5B24).

            Below is Belenky’s suggested text:

 

To Correct a Historic Mistake

 

The speech of V.V. Putin to a meeting devoted to the restoration of serfdom in Russia

 

Dear Friends!

 

Today is a remarkable day. After more than 150 years, historical justice has been restored.

At the demand of the broad popular masses, Russia is returning to serfdom.

 

Doing away with serfdom by tsar Aleksandr II in 1861 became the greatest geopolitical catastrophe of the 19^th century.

 

The abolition of serfdom initiated a chain of catastrophes which shook Russia to its foundations. The shameful defeat in the Russo-Japanese war, Nicholas II’s concessions to the mob which led to the creation of the so-called Duma, the rioting which has been labelled “the first Russian revolution, the seizure of power by adventurers and crooks – the Bolsheviks all happened because serfdom was abolished.

 

Serfdom is a historically developed form of economic management in Russia. In fact, it was a family arrangement: the landowners took care of their serfs and the serfs faithfully served the landowners.

 

After serfdom was abolished, all sorts of adventurers and crooks, the so-called “populists, tried to go among the people and persuade them to rebel against the tsar-father. But the vigilant peasants resolutely ignored this hostile propaganda and turned those spreading it over to the police.

 

The valiant Third Section of His Imperial Majesty’s Chancellery and then the gendarmes also played a significant role in identifying the adventurers and crooks. But unfortunately, there were traitors and renegades who despising their thoughtful masters fled to the Don and Siberia where they created the so-called “Cossacks,” something that led to more trouble later.

 

Under serfdom, Russia was a dynamically developing country, the first country in the world to export grain, hemp, timber, honey and other agricultural products. Today Russia, under a "free" capitalist regime, has to import most of these things.

 

Of course, the restoration of serfdom in the 21st century must take into account the prevailing norms of pluralism and democracy in the country. The question of how to punish serfs - with rods, whips, or belts - remains a matter for landowners to decide on their own. But the transition to serfdom will require tremendous efforts and creativity from our management structures.

 

The newly established State Committee on Serfdom will be instructed to develop norms of corvee and dues for each region, taking into account regional and ethnic characteristics. The stigma of serfdom must also be addressed by applying the principles of pluralism and democracy. Tattooing a number on the hands, burning a QR code on the forehead, insertion of chips, or other methods are to be left to the discretion of landlords.

 

Escape from the landowner will be equated with escaping from prison. When registering candidates for serfs, evaluations from workplace and a lack of participation of the candidate in provocative actions, the so-called "protest rallies", will be taken into account.

 

The Institute of Precision Mechanics has been instructed to develop new progressive shackle designs so that these gadgets are aesthetic, lightweight and easy to use. The Institute of Synthetic Materials has been instructed to develop materials for the roses so as not to waste valuable natural materials. And Fashion designers have been told to develop for the serfs a modern design of folk clothes, convenient for work and rest.

 

Should serfs be slaughtered all over the country on Fridays, like in the good old days, or should there be a special day for this in each region? This issue should be resolved locally, taking into account the national and religious characteristics of the region.

 

The question of cohabitation of serfs with their peasant women will also pose a difficult moral problem. We urge to solve this problem in a spirit of goodwill, with the issuance of bonuses to peasant women in kind or in cash.

The union of trade unions of Russia will develop standards for the work and rest of the serfs. The Ministry of Health will work out standards for the feeding and support of serfs.

 

Russia has always been at the forefront of humanity. We are proud that Russia is now the first modern Western country to restore serfdom. And the day is not far off when the slave system will be fully restored in Russia. After all, thanks to slavery, great prosperous empires were created.

 

Long live slavery - the bright future of Russia!