Monday, January 15, 2024

Moscow has Responded to Communal Services Collapse by Banning Media from Covering It, Russians Say

Paul Goble

            Staunton, Jan. 12 – After reflecting on what the authorities should do to fix the communal services collapse across the country, the Kremlin came up with what is the fundamentally correct and time-tested method in Russia when such things happen: it canned the media from covering them, Russians say.

·       This is just one of the anecdotes Russians are now telling each other that have been collected by Moscow journalist Tatyana Pushkaryova ( Among the best of the rest are the following:

·       Belgorod bus stops are now being constructed with concrete blocks so that residents will be safe. But in the event of a Ukrainian attack, those people not killed by shrapnel will now be flattened by the falling blocks. How much safe Moscow has made everyone!

·       Russians are now quoting Mahatma Gandhi’s observation that “if your beliefs or religion tells you to kill people, start with yourself.”

·       The Russian defense ministry says that the cold wave in Russia is the result of an unexpected descent of a climate weapon that had been shot off to freeze Europe.

·       After surveys showed that Russians were sick and tired of hearing about how veterans of the Ukraine war were returning and then robbing, killing or raping others, Moscow decided to solve the problem by internationalizing it and allowing criminals from other countries to come and help.

·       Moscow plans to bring 10,000 Africans to come to live in Russia either to clear the snow or – perhaps – produce new Pushkins.

·       Moscow says the West is ignoring international law by attacking Yemen, but it still argues that its attacks on Ukrainian cities is fully consistent with international law.

·       Shit has long flowed from Russian TV sets; now, it is coming through the ceilings because of broken pipes.

·       The Russian government has told Putin that “Russians themselves are to blame for all utility failures, food shortages and rising prices. They are the ones, the authorities say, “who are cold, hungry and constantly defecating.

·       Officials in Kamchatka says that tomatoes there are especially expensive because “Putin himself has touched them.”

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