Putin’s Successor Must Be Chosen by Matchsticks as No One Wants to Volunteer to Go to the Hague, Russians Say

Paul Goble

            Staunton, Feb. 21 – The Kremlin faces a real problem in choosing a successor to Vladimir Putin, Russians say. No one wants to volunteer for a position that will ultimately lead to a bench in the international criminal court in the Hague. As a result, the Presidential Administration has decided to use matchsticks. Whoever draws the shortest …

            That is just one of the anecdotes now circulating in Moscow that have been collected and republished by journalist Tatyana Pushkaryova (publizist.ru/blogs/107374/45196/-). The best of the rest include:

·       The best gift anyone can give a Russian man on defenders of the country holiday is a medical certificate showing he is unfit to serve in the ranks.

·       After the debacle with Lilith, God decided to give Adam no choice as far as Eve was concerned, thus setting the tradition that Putin has followed in Russian elections.

·       Moscow is building the largest pre-trial detention center with room for 4,000 inmates. But even it won’t be large enough to hold all the senior officials of the Putin regime when the time comes.

·       Russian governors are like those in ancient Rome: When they come to a poor one, they leave rich; and when they come to a rich region, they leave richer still.

·       The FSB is outraged that the British Academy didn’t give the agency an award for its role in Navalny’s life. That would only have been right, the FSB says, after the Academy gave an award to those who made the film. There wouldn’t have been a film with the FSB, its leaders say. Biden came to Kyiv because Putin allowed him to, but Putin did not come to the Ukrainian capital because Zelensky didn’t allow him to.

·       Putin’s declaration that Russian presidential elections in 2024 will be carried out in strict accordance with the law. In Russian that means, he will be the only candidate, will win, and no one should expect him to leave anytime soon.

·       Like Brezhnev, Putin spoke for a long time, was interrupted frequently by applause, but “thank God,” he didn’t say anything either.