Friday, November 17, 2023

To Boost the Russian Birthrate, Kremlin Plans to Replace Foreign Condoms with Ineffective Domestic Ones, Some Russians Say

Paul Goble

            Staunton, Nov. 14 – In casting about for ways to reverse Russia’s declining birthrate, the Kremlin has decided on a decisive measure: replacing foreign condoms that work with domestically produced ones that don’t, some Russians say. Those who use the latter with confidence are in for what some call “a kinder surprise.”

            That is one of the anecdotes Moscow journalist Tatyana Pushkaryova offers in her latest collection ( Among the best of the rest are the following:

·       Rosstat will solve declines in the income of Russians since 2013 by changing the methods it uses to calculate that statistic.

·       If you are convicted for nothing, rejoice, because you are not guilty of anything even if you are put behind bars.

·       There was kerfluffle over the decision of Russian news agencies to take down and denounce a report they had earlier posted saying that Moscow had regrouped, that is, pull back, some of its forces in Ukraine. What was not given much ink is the fact that between the posting and the taking down, numerous people made patriotic comments praising this “necessary retreat to mre advantageous positions.”

·       Demand for felt boots now and bast shoes in the summer is rising in Russia, a true sign of the revival of Russian traditions.

·       Putin has now pardoned the man who organized the murder of Anna Politkovskaya, his way of thanking this important guardian of the regime. Soon, perhaps, that man will be made a Hero of Russia.

·       Polls are conducted in Russia so that the people know what they think, but the results reflect not the smartest or the largest groups but the most talkative. Therefore, these surveys say a lot but prove little and are thus able to replace all other democratic procedures.

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