In Putin’s Russia, It’s Less Dangerous to Kill Four Children than to Call a War a War, Some Say

Paul Goble

            Staunton, Aug. 18 – After a week in which a Chelyabinsk resident was sentenced to 1.5 years in jail for killing a two-year-old girl and a Duma deputy was given seven years behind bars for calling the special military operation a war, Russians have concluded that it would have been better for the deputy if he had killed four children instead.

            That is one of the anecdotes in this week’s collection assembled by Moscow journalist Tatyana Pushkaryova (publizist.ru/blogs/107374/43666/-). Among the best of the rest are the following:

·       There is evidence of progress in Russia: the grandparents of many Russians were sent to the camps for telling a joke; now they are send there for reposting something on a computer.

·       Members of the Federation Council are planning to insure themselves against injuries during popular unrest, military coups or military operations. They know they are sitting on bayonets and can’t get off, but at least they can get some additional money from the state.

·       Foreign cellphones are becoming so hard to get that Russians are being urged to use the post office or even carrier pigeons. Those doing the latter need to keep feeding the pigeons.

·       Russians bought nearly 7,000 apartments in Turkey during the first seven months of 2022. This shows that in the current crisis it is fine to pray to Putin but it is important to row as fast as possible to the Turkish shore.

·       Regional governments are reintroducing masks  for the pandemic because they need to sell out their inventories lest they lose money.

·       Russia has plans for import substitution in the car repair business: Now, Russians will fix foreign cars using bast, birch bark and plywood.

·       Reports that Putin might reach a negotiated settlement in Ukraine are infuriating patriots. They’ve stocked up so much stew and sugar for a long war. “Is all this in vain?” they ask.