Putin’s Program is to Die in His Bed and Not in The Hague, Russians Say

Paul Goble

            Staunton, Feb. 7 – Many Russians say that Putin doesn’t have a program, but that is a lie, some Russians are saying. His program is comprehensive and is directed toward a single goal: he wants to ensure that he dies in office and in his own bed in Moscow and not as a convicted prisoner in The Hague.

            That is just one of the anecdotes in the new collection offered by Moscow journalist Tatyana Pushkaryova (publizist.ru/blogs/107374/47725/-). Among the best of the rest are the following:

·       Things are going so well for Russian forces in Ukraine that Moscow has decided to confiscate the property of anyone who doubts that.

·       In defense of its cutbacks in spending on healthcare, the Kremlin says that it is time that Russians learned that “you can’t buy good health.”

·       Arresting people for wearing LGBT earrings is leaving little space in Russian jails for those guilty of stealing and murder.

·       Moscow has now decided that all Russian porn films will end with a sermon and the repentance of all those taking part in such movies.

·       The founding congress of the Russian Pessimist Party has resolved not to take part in politics and not to expect anything good from now on.

·       Russian courts are now arresting people in absentia in order to ensure that statistics on fighting crime are maintained.

·       Those who led Russia into the swamp are saying that the country mustn’t change horses in the middle and that despite all evidence, they alone know how to get out of where Russia now is.

·       New targets for Russia’s millions of security officials must be found and so after they have destroyed all the current enemies, they wil go out and begin to  destroy the thing and the brown-eyed.