Now that the UN has Recognized Borscht as Ukrainian, Putin May Ban It in Russia, People Joke

Paul Goble

            Staunton, June 30 – The United Nations has recognized borscht as a Ukrainian national heritage dish, something that will make it impossible for Russian patriots to eat it and open the way for Vladimir Putin to ban not only this Banderite food but also other things like pelmeni which Ukrainians are known to eat, according to the latest Russian anecdote.

            Among the best of the rest offered by Moscow journalist Tatyana Pushkaryova in her latest collection (publizist.ru/blogs/107374/43303/-) are the following:

·       Now that the Kremlin has announced that imports are down by 50 percent, Russians are faced with a situation in which half of the medicines they have been using and 75 percent of consumer goods are no longer available. Worse, they have to face up to the fact that Russia produces only one blanket a year for every 70 people, one dress for every 12 women, and not a single iron for anyone.

 ·       The Russian defense ministry says it withdrew troops from Snake Island so that Kyiv won’t have any reason to speculate about an impending food crisis. On the basis of that logic, it could withdraw all troops from Ukrainian territory and Kyiv would have nothing to complain about. Of course, some in Crimea, the Donbass and Kherson would.

 ·       The Moscow Institute of World Civilizations has now been renamed the Vladimir Zhirinovsky University of World Civilizations. From now on, its graduates can be expected to talk about Russia being surrounded by scoundrels and the US sinking under water.

 ·       The Russian poor are holding on to the idea of the greatness of the state and the revival of the empire for one simple reason: they have nothing else to hold onto; and these things  seem better than most, just like a beggar who will treasure a crust of bread that smells of smoke from his rich neighbor’s barbecue.

 ·       The Kremlin has decided to ban the word “why.” It is un-Russian and even anti-Russian. The only people who ask it are foreign agents or spies. No Russian patriot does.

 ·       The Russian government wants to release a new 100-ruble note in the style of “We can repeat!” but it can’t because the Western companies involved aren’t serving Russian ATMs anymore and no one will be able to get access to the money for at least several years while those machines are reconfigured.