Saturday, July 29, 2023

Russians Successfully Completing Military Service are to Be Rewarded with a New Term in the Army, Russians Say

Paul Goble

            Staunton, July 27 – The Kremlin is pulling out all the stops to expand the army, Russians say. The latest idea making the rounds and likely to be implemented soon is that all Russian soldiers who successfully complete their military service are to be rewarded by being given another term in the army.

            This is just one of the anecdotes Russians are telling each other to try to impose some order on their lives that have been collected by Moscow journalist Tatyana Pushkaryova ( Among the best of the rest are the following:

·       Those Russians caught illegally felling trees will be send to Siberia to legally fell them for five years.

·       Despite claiming that most Russians are patriots, one Duma deputy has come up with a new mathematics that allows him to say that there are twice as many Russians trying to avoid service as seeking to perform it.

·       Another miracle from Russian statistics: After the Duma boosted the draft age to 30, it suddenly turned out that all the children of senior Russian officials turned out to be over that age.

·       Russian children will no longer be given birth certificates. Instead, they will be given summons to draft offices telling them to show up no later than 18 years later.

·       Putin plans to continue the war to its victorious conclusion but so did Hitler as late as the end of 1944.

·       The Duma says that the army is running out of cannon fodder but the high command says it is not suffering any losses.

·       Some FSB officers have been assigned to collect Putin’s urine and feces and so instead of being real spies, they get to carry around a suitcase full of shit from a crazy dwarf.

·       The rains in Moscow have been so heavy that every apartment bloc is surrounded by a sea and Russians can vacation on the seaside without leaving home.


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