Sunday, December 17, 2023

Russians Needn’t Worry: Only a Few Returning Veterans will Kill Anyone – and So Not Everyone will Die

Paul Goble

            Staunton, Dec. 13 – Moscow is reassuring Russians that only a few of the veterans returning from the Ukraine war will kill anyone and that, given that their country is a big one, not everyone will die, according to the latest anecdote residents of the Russian Federation are telling each other.

            Among the best of the rest collected this week by Moscow journalist Tatyana Pushkaryova ( are the following:

·       Moses led his people through the desert for 40 years so that they would forget their slavery in Egypt. Putin likewise has decided that he has to rule in the Kremlin for 40 years so that the last Russian who remember what freedom was like will die.

·       The Duma is set to adopt a new law limiting the number of Faberge eggs any Russian can own to ten. It will affect both oligarchs who want to buy more and other Russians who can’t afford to buy any.

·       Putin says that the Russian constitution stabilizes the state. He’s wrong: what stabilizes his state are the police and the security services.

·       Russians can easily identify the wealthy. They’re the people who put on their mask on entering a store and then throw it away on leaving.

·       The Moscow Patriarchate wants to ban satanism and witchcraft, but it is almost certain that in the fine print of this legislation, exceptions will be made for Putin and his entourage.

·       In the past, Russians said that the USSR remained alive as long as the same stars performed on New Year’s as did 40 years ago. Now the stars have been changed, but the audience hasn’t.

·       Three percent of Russians visiting the VDNKh exhibit on Russian achievements say they are troubled that the achievements were shown on video screens imported from the West. The rest didn’t notice that.

·       Putin has achieved what no other world leader could: he’s gotten the Bulgarians of all people to destroy Soviet military monuments.

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