Eight Only in Russia Stories

Paul Goble

            Staunton, December 15 – There are three kinds of news coming out of Putin’s Russian Federation: stories that could and do occur in any large and diverse country, accounts that are much like stories elsewhere but with a Russian twist, and then reports which can be described as “only in Russia” stories. 

            The number of stories in the third category is large and growing. This week, eight such stories surfaced:

1.      Russians Punished Both for reading Constitution and for Burning It. Neither is acceptable behavior under the current powers that be and can and is being punished (rosbalt.ru/posts/2018/12/13/1752988.html).

2.      Russian officials may Stop Using Times New Roman Font. Because of copyright issues, Russian government officials may stop using the most widely employed computer font. What they will replace it with is still uncertain (newizv.ru/news/politics/13-12-2018/pokushenie-na-timesnewroman-kak-chinovniki-budut-zhit-bez-vrednyh-shriftov).

3.      Novichok, Poison Used Against Skripals, Word of the Year in Russia.  Those who keep track of such things say that novichok has beaten out pension reform and toxic as the word of the year among Russians (novayagazeta.ru/articles/2018/12/10/78891-novichok-solberetskiy-sobor-pensionnaya-reforma).

4.      Russian Spies Directed to Find Out What Kind of Underwear Latvian Soldiers Use.  A Latvian who has been convicted of spying for Moscow says that his bosses in the Russian capital wanted to learn among other things precisely what kind of underwear the Latvian army issues to its soldiers (en.rebaltica.lv/2018/12/the-tasks-for-the-russian-spy-report-on-tanks-towers-and-underwear/).

5.      Moscow TV Reports Man in Robot Costume is Advanced Russian Robot.  Central television showed what it said was a robot reflecting the most advanced Russian technologies. When it turned out that “the robot” was actually a man in a robot suit, the channel had to apologize (censoru.net/31737-fejkovaja-strana-rossija-24-zapisala-opravdanie-na-sjuzhet-o-sovremennom-robote.html).

6.       Tyumen FSB Officer Joined Band to Kill Immigrants.  An FSB took anti-immigrant attitudes to a new level: nominally while off duty, he joined a criminal band that targeted gastarbeiters. He has no been convicted of seven murders (novayagazeta.ru/articles/2018/12/14/78944-manyaki-v-pogonah).

7.      Russian Bank Refuses to Give Depositors Their Money Saying They are Dead.  A Russian bank has taken the defense of its holdings to a whole new level and has been refusing to give very much alive depositors any of their funds, arguing despite the evidence, that they are dead (versia.ru/v-sberbanke-otkazyvayutsya-vydavat-klientam-dengi-ssylayas-na-ix-smert).

8.      Tomsk Man Fined for Cutting a Christmas Tree for His Family.  A Tomsk man was fined 15,000 rubles (250 US dollars) for cutting down a Christmas tree for his family. The story has outraged local people because the Russian authorities have allowed Chinese firms to cut down thousands of trees for next to nothing (facebook.com/demin.nimed/posts/1085996011583409).