Absurdity the New Shared Value for Russians – 13 ‘Only in Russia Stories’ This Week

Paul Goble

            Staunton, April 6 – Anyone who follows the Russian news now cannot escape the conclusion, commentator Oleg Savvin says, that the powers that be have apparently decided that the absurd is the new shared value which can bind Russians together. Indeed, in the case of many stories one is prompted to ask “is this serious?” (region.expert/homlins).

            Savvin provides his own list drawn from the last few months. Below are 13 “only in Russia” stories that have come to the attention of the author of these lines in the last week alone:

1.      Museum Based on Trash Opens in Irkutsk. An activist has opened a museum in Irkutsk in which all the exhibits are made out of discarded materials, one more way to call attention to an issue that is ever more heated in Russia outside of Moscow, the disposal of garbage (sibreal.org/a/29837723.html).

2.      Despite Russia’s Oil and Gas Reserves, One-Third of Population Gets Its Heat from Wood and Coal.  Moscow talks constantly about the gasification of residences, but despite that, one third of the country’s population has heat based on burning wood or coal (novayagazeta.ru/articles/2019/04/04/80077-uglevodorodina-spetsproekt).

3.      Before Medvedev Visit, Perm Hospital Patients Given Toilet Paper for First Time. Russians used to welcome foreign visitors to their cities because it meant that at least the side of their residences facing the parade route would be painted. Now, in an update of this tradition, hospital patients in Perm have been issued with toilet paper for the first time in case Dmitry Medvedev visits (newsland.com/community/8211/content/v-permskoi-bolnitse-k-vizitu-dmitriia-medvedeva-poiavilas-tualetnaia-bumaga/6703238). That is hardly a uniquely bad situation: a Krasnoyarsk hospital has banned photographs of the rooms by visitors to its patients lest conditions be documented (sibreal.org/a/29861792.html).

4.      Russian has Sex Change Operation to Retire Earlier. Because Russian women are allowed to retire five years earlier than men, an enterprising Russian has undergone a sex change operation so that he/she can qualify to get a pension early (uralpress.ru/news/obshchestvo/kopeychanin-stavshiy-zhenshchinoy-uydet-na-pensiyu-na-pyat-let-ranshe). Few may copy his/her enterprising action, but now that Russian draft boards have suggested that facial tattoos are evidence of psychological problems and a basis for medical deferments, it is possible that young Russian men may decide that is an easy way to avoid military service (versia.ru/voenkomat-razglyadel-v-tatuirovkax-face-priznaki-psixicheskogo-rasstrojstva).

5.      Chaplin Says Stalin ‘Underrated’ and Killed Many who Deserved to Die.  Archpriest Vsevolod Chaplin who often speaks for the Moscow Patriarchate says that Stalin remains an “underrated” Russian leader and that everyone needs to recognize that he killed many people who deserved to die (rtvi.com/na-troikh/vsevolod-chaplin/).

6.      Moscow Patriarchate Doesn’t Want to Absorb Costs of Providing Security at Churches.  The Russian Orthodox Church says that the state, not the church, should pay for the security churches need, an indication that threats against them may be increasing and/or that the church is having financial problems (ng.ru/ng_religii/2019-04-02/9_462_supervision.html).

7.      Moscow Leads Russia in Another Way: It is the Most Criminal Place in the Country. New statistics show that Moscow has the highest crime rates of any federal subject (spektr.press/news/2019/04/03/nazvany-samye-kriminalnye-regiony-rossii/).

8.      Censorship ‘Officially” Returns to Russia. Despite the ban on censorship in the constitution, Russia has now “officially” restored that form of government control by giving the Putin regime the legal sanction to rule on specific publications (newsland.com/community/4765/content/v-rossiiu-ofitsialno-vozvrashchaetsia-tsenzura/6703267 and  duma.gov.ru/news/30211/.)

9.      Some Making Millions by Illegal Sale of Soviet Medals. Russian law prohibits the buying and selling of Soviet medals and decorations, but despite that, some Russians are making fortunes selling them (fresher.ru/2019/03/16/medali-sssr-kotorye-mogut-sdelat-vladelcev-millionerami/). Who is buying them is an even more important question than who is selling such memorabilia.

10.  Woman Who Complained of Ice on Walks in January Told in April There isn’t a Problem. Sometimes if a problem can be ignored long enough, the problem goes away. A Russian woman complained to officials about ice on the sidewalk near her home. Her complaint remained unanswered until this week when officials told her that there wasn’t any ice left (maximonline.ru/guide/maximir/_article/jenschina-pojalovalas-na-led-na-ostanovke-v-yanva/).

11.  Labor Ministry Solves Poverty Problem by Changing Its Statistics.  The Russian government’s labor ministry announced that there are now four million fewer Russians in poverty, the result not of any change in the actual situation but rather in the way in which the ministry chooses to release the data (iz.ru/860736/anna-ivushkina/bednost-za-porog-kak-v-rossii-budut-sokrashchat-protcent-maloimushchikh).   

12.  Russian Defendant Says Judge in His Case Too Sexy to Allow Him to Make an Adequate Defense.  A Russian defendant has come up with an original legal argument: he says that the judge before whom he has to plead is case is too overtly sexual to allow him to present his case in a compelling way (mk.ru/social/2019/04/05/rossiyanin-obvinil-sudyu-v-izlishney-seksualnosti-tolko-pletki-ne-khvatalo.html).

13.  Pskov Girl Who Appealed to Putin Forced to Flee Her Village. A young girl in Pskov who wrote directly to Putin about  the problems her mother faced and who was subject to attacks anonymous and official has been forced to leave her village to avoid further criticism and discrimination (eadaily.com/ru/news/2019/04/03/semya-devochki-napisavshey-putinu-vynuzhdenno-uehala-iz-svoey-derevni).